


Promise That You’ll Never Find Another (Like Me)

by seekrest



Series: All’s Well That Ends Well (to End Up With You) [8]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (it gets worse before it gets better), Alternate Universe - No Powers, College Student Peter Parker, Developing Relationship, F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, Michelle Jones Needs a Hug, Miscommunication, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, back on their bs, one step forward and two steps back with these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: "You guys are good together.""Thanks Betty.” Peter says, Michelle actually meeting his eyes and smiling as she does.“I think we're good together too."
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: All’s Well That Ends Well (to End Up With You) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1493087
Comments: 121
Kudos: 140





	1. I Never Think Before I Jump

**MARCH**

“Peter.” Michelle whispered, Peter making no effort to indicate that he was listening - leaving open mouthed kisses on her neck as his hands traveled under her shirt.

“Peter.” Michelle says with a bit more conviction, even while Peter’s hands still softly caress her chest before moving to unhook her bra, Michelle sighing - in annoyance or in pleasure he’s not sure.

“Peter, we need to talk—“

“We will.” He whispers into her mouth, moving her bra so that his fingers dancing along her bare chest. 

Michelle puts a hand up to his chest, Peter stopping for a moment - wondering if he’d misread the scenario and that she was truly serious about talking about what was next.

It was inevitable, in a sense. Peter knew Michelle well enough to know that they had to figure out the logistics of how they were going to see each other - the plan for their video chats, how to give each other room to breathe while still communicating, navigating a long-distance relationship already being difficult and made even more so for how relatively new this thing was between them.

But she was leaving for Stanford in a few months, Peter pushing out that thought as quickly as it came. 

A part of Peter knew that for Michelle’s well-being, she needed a plan - some kind of certainty to what was to come.

But another part of Peter didn’t want to focus on that, didn’t want to consider the reality that after months of back and forth, after they’d _finally_ arrived on the same page with each other, that they’d be separated again.

They were alone in the apartment, only for another hour until Betty came home from her lab. Her and Ned had taken to teasing them now after spring break, but Peter didn’t really care.

He wanted to spend some quality time with his girlfriend, especially considering the limited amount of time they had with each other. 

He was excited for graduation and for staring med school, May being beyond thrilled that he was going to finally take a step towards his dream.

But the stress and the excitement and nerves were all slightly dampened at the idea that Michelle wouldn’t be there with him, even if he knew that she was fulfilling her own dream by moving across the country. 

Peter’s hand doesn’t move but he catches her gaze, watching as she rolls her eyes and shifts out of his arms. He deflates for a second, kicking himself for being so focused on fooling around that he’d made another mistake - yet another misstep in their communication - only to perk up when he realizes she only moved so that she could rid herself of her shirt and properly throw off her bra, a smirk on her face as she leans over to him.

“We’re talking after this.” She whispers, inches away from his face as he grins, pulling her on top of him as he kissed her soundly.

“I promise,” Peter says, breath hitching as she drags her hips against his - bringing his hands to bring her down to his chest as he kisses her again. “We will.”

**APRIL**

“Fuck yeah!” Betty yells, the rest of them groaning as Ned lands on Broadway yet again. 

“This is why I hate playing this game with you.” He mutters, Michelle holding back a laugh as she meets Peter’s eyes - Betty almost vibrating with excitement as she extends a hand out. 

“Put up and shut up, Ned. This is _war_.” Ned rolls his eyes as Betty squeals, handing over the obnoxious amount of play money as Peter leans over towards her. 

“I thought this was just capitalism?” Peter whispers, Betty dutifully putting away her money as she grabs the dice, throwing it out on the board. 

“Capitalism in overdrive. Remind me to never get on Betty’s bad side.” Michelle whispers back, Peter sneaking a kiss while Betty begins to move her piece.

“Hey, we’re still here lovebirds. Keep the PDA to a minimum.” Ned says, Peter smirking as he leans back, nudging Ned with his foot as Betty lands on yet another part of the board that she owned. 

“You were the one who planned an impromptu roommate night. MJ and I were gonna--”

“Nope. Those sound-proof headphones aren’t _that_ soundproof, guys.” Betty says, putting a hand up - one of Michelle’s eyebrow raising as Peter predictably turns a little red. “Besides, how many nights do we really have to just hang out all together?” 

The light mood sours a little at that, Michelle watching as Ned and Peter’s shoulders slumped as she sighed. 

“Come on grumps, we’re graduating not dying. We have the internet, we have our numbers, we’ll still--”

“It’s not gonna be the _same_ , MJ and you know it.” Betty protests, Michelle biting the inside of her cheek as she avoids Peter’s gaze. 

She did know, the turmoil that she’d felt during spring break only growing in time. The separation that she was already anticipating from Peter was only compounded by the reality that she was leaving Ned and Betty too - the feeling of having found roommates and a friend group that Michelle felt comfortable with being something she was reluctant to leave. 

Michelle was excited for Stanford, her mom in particular over the moon. But it was still difficult, a confusing mix of feeling excited that she was graduating and a breath away from being closer to her own dreams while still almost mourning this phase of her life. 

Having an impromptu roommate game night had been a good idea, though Betty’s comments about the headphones didn’t dissuade her from the idea of her and Peter’s plans for later on in the evening. 

It was something that she worried about, the idea that this roommate situation that she'd created would be impossible to find again - even if there was a part of her that understood that if she'd found it in her last year of college that the chances of finding it again were always possible.

Unlikely, but possible. 

Peter laughed, trying to ease the sadness and the tension in the room like he always did - one of the many things that Michelle loved about him as he said, "Come on guys, we still have a few more weeks. We have finals and then--"

"Ugh, _don't_ remind me please." Betty almost snorted, passing the dice to Michelle who started to shake her hands in preparation for her roll. "I still have like three different lab practicals to prepare for and I'm _so_ not ready for any of them."

"I have a psych exam that's going to kill me." Michelle said, sending the dice out as Ned smiled at her, counting down the spaces and thinking that she would be able to land on his spot only to frown when she barely squeaked by and landed instead on a property of Peter's.

"Come on guys, I'm running out of money." Ned whined, Michelle parsing out what amount of rent she owed Peter as she snickered.

"I'm not doing this on purpose, Leeds." Michelle rolled her eyes, Peter's hands brushing against her own for a moment longer than was likely necessary - feeling the heat in his eyes, biting the inside of her cheek not to just reach over and kiss him. 

She'd never been into public displays of affection, but there was something comfortable about being around Peter that swelled something in her gut, a feeling of being at home with him in their shared apartment with Ned and Betty.

"Says _you_." Betty said, Michelle seeing the grin out of the corner of her eye. "You guys are cute. I'm glad you two figured it out."

"I thought you were annoyed about the headphone thing?" Michelle bounced back, seeing Peter's cheeks get redder as Betty rolled her eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want to hear you guys have sex, not that I'm pissed about your relationship." She tilts her head, Peter grabbing the dice from the board as he sneaks a glance towards Michelle.

"You guys are good together."

"Thanks Betty, though if you could stop talking about our sex life that'd be great." Peter said, the rest of them laughing as he rolled.

"But yeah, I agree." Peter continued, Michelle actually meeting his eyes, smiling as he said, "I think we're good together too."

**MAY**

"I am _so_ proud of you." May almost yelled into his ears, Peter laughing as he hugged her tight - the tassel from his cap flying into his face from how fiercely he almost slammed into her. He opened his eyes when he heard Felicia's distinctive laugh, smiling to her as May loosened her grip as she walked up.

"Look at you, nerd. You finally fucking did it." Her words were teasing but Peter could see the pride in her eyes, May moving out of the way as he brought Felicia into an equally tight grip - the smell of her perfume all around him as he laughed.

"And now I just have what, the next ten years of my life planned?" Felicia and May both laughed, Felicia leaning back as she rolled her eyes.

"Such an overachiever. Mr. Stark would be proud."

"Yeah, he would be." Peter replied, May putting a hand to his shoulder.

"He's here," she says, Peter's eyes widening in surprise.

"Wait, did you invite him? May!" Peter exclaimed, equal parts embarrassed that his aunt had invited his high school mentor but also excited in a way that he can't try and deny, glad that the person that had helped him get into MIT was in the audience somewhere.

"You deserve to be celebrated, Pete." May smiled, "It takes him a little longer to get places but he wanted me to tell you he's proud of you and that he'll meet us at the restaurant. I wanted it to be a surprise but," May nodded her head towards Felicia, " _someone_ thought that you'd like a heads up."

Peter just laughed, feeling happier than he's felt in a long time. "You guys... thank you. This is great, I'm--" He looks around the crowd, his thoughts going to the other person that brought him joy. "I have to tell MJ. Her and her family had their own celebration planned but maybe we can still get together. I think the restaurant that that she was going to go to was--“

"Pete, you don't want to interrupt her family time." Felicia says, a bite to her tone that Peter recognized - the joy he was feeling slightly deflating as he watched the two of them exchange a look - a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he frowns. 

"Felicia, be nice."

"I _am_ being nice," she says, May staying uncharacteristically silent as Peter frowns. "I'm just saying, you two have been spending a lot of time together."

"She's my _girlfriend_ , Felicia. That's what you do, when you're dating someone."

"Peter," May begins but Peter shakes his head, turning more to face Felicia.

"Look, I know you two have problems but--"

"Oh, no don't mistake it." Felicia interrupts, putting a hand up. " _We_ don't have any problems. I'm just trying to look out for you."

"MJ apologized for the club, apologized to _you_ too right?" Peter bounces back, watching as Felicia purses her lips together as May speaks again.

"Peter, look at me."

Peter stares down Felicia for another moment before turning his attention back to May, seeing the familiar and firm look on her face as she brought a hand to his shoulder

"What Felicia is _trying_ to say is," she glances towards her, Peter getting the distinct impression that they've talked to each other about this very topic before, "that you and MJ have been spending an awful lot of time together recently."

"Cause she's _leaving_ , May." Peter argues, watching as Felicia rolls her eyes and May's shoulders sag. "We're just trying to spend as much time together as possible."

"I know, Pete. I know. Ben and I did long-distance before." She says, Peter feeling like there was a _but_ still coming.

"But it's-- there's a difference between enjoying the time you have with each other and just... not being around anyone else, Peter." Peter wants to argue more but stops himself with something in May's eyes, knowing that she only came from a position of love even if everything was screaming inside of him to argue in defense of what he had with Michelle.

He knew neither of them were particularly happy with how quickly he’d gotten into a relationship with Michelle, Felicia flat out saying she thought it was a terrible idea though May had been a bit kinder - reiterating again the timing of it all. 

It was something he and Michelle had talked about, the reality of what they were doing in getting into a relationship right before graduation and then immediately jumping into long-distance. 

But he'd hoped that May of all people, who had done it before, would understand.

There was a small voice in the back of his mind that said that what her and Ben did versus what he and Michelle were doing was different, that her and Ben had done long-distance after two years of being together.

And that their long distance was shorter, May moving back home to care for her ailing mother for a year before eventually moving back into the city and finishing her degree. 

It was different - the two of them, the short amount of time that he and Michelle had been dating and the _long_ road ahead of them - knowing that even after Michelle finished her three years at Stanford that they hadn’t really talked much beyond that, especially considering that Peter had four years of med school but also internship and residency ahead of him - the speciality much less the location of completing that specialty all being years and years in the future. 

He loved Michelle though and she loved him, pushing those thoughts out of his head on what should be one of the happier days in his life. 

Peter sighs, May looking back at him with sympathy as Felicia gets closer to the two of them.

“I’m not trying to bring you down, Pete. Promise.” Felicia says, looking more contrite than Peter’s ever seen her, her whole posture and tone disarming him as she says, “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

Peter looks between the two of them, smiling even if he didn’t mean it - the swooping in his gut and the small voice in the back of his head growing louder even if he tries to chase it away. 

“I am. I will, I promise. I just-- I want all of you to get along okay?”

“I like MJ, Peter. You know that.” 

Peter waits, a pit in his stomach at the words May says next. 

”I just don’t want you to make her your whole life when you’re both about to start new ones.”

**JUNE**

Michelle glanced over to Peter, watching with a smile on her face as he and Lizzy whispered about something.

“You keeping secrets over there?” Her dad asked, Peter turning to him innocently while Lizzy grins. 

“It’s not a secret, it’s a _surprise._ ” Lizzy exclaims, Peter winking towards Michelle - all the confirmation she needed that Peter would spill the details later. 

“Whatever kind of surprise you got, don’t think just cause Peter’s here that you’ll get out of eating your green beans, Lizzy.” Michelle’s mother says, Michelle laughing as Lizzy groans. 

“You don’t make squish eat her veggies.” She pouts, sticking her fork into a green bean as if it personally offended her.

“That’s cause squish is old enough to just eat them on her own.” Her mother replies, Peter’s face twisting in confusion as he says, “Wait squish?”

The room stops for a second, Michelle realizing that even though they’d officially been dating three months and had known each other for almost a year now, that this was only the second time Peter had been around her family.

The first time had been at graduation, all awkwardly introducing each other before they separated and went to different restaurants to celebrate. Peter had mentioned later in the apartment, one of the last nights that they lived together before they both moved back into their respective family’s homes for the summer, that he’d wanted to celebrate together.

It was something Michelle had thought about beforehand but didn’t say as much to Peter then, knowing on some level that while her parents liked Peter well enough - her dad especially so for clocking Harry a few months back - that there was still a little uncertainty between them and the seriousness between them when they had barely started dating. 

The past month after graduation had flown by, taking a vacation with her family early in the summer right after she’d moved back into the city and this being the first week that she was back. 

Tonight was the first night that they’d spent any length of time together and the first time that Peter had really been around them for any length of time, joining them for a dinner that felt awkward for a few moments before falling into step with each other. 

But his question about her family nickname reminded her yet again how _new_ all of this was, avoiding her mother’s gaze while Lizzy piped up.

“Oh my God, squish, you never told him the story?”

“Can we not?” Michelle asks, Peter just tilting his head in curiosity as Lizzy giggles. 

“Oh my God. Oh my _God_.” 

“What? What happened?” Peter asks, Michelle biting her lip as her father begins. 

“So when squish, _Michelle_ was little, she was absolutely obsessed with marshmallows.” 

“Really?” Peter looked back at her incredulously, Michelle being extremely fascinated with a piece of broccoli on her plate as her father continued. 

“Yeah, couldn’t get enough of them. To the point where we had to try and steal them away from her. It didn’t work, as you know. When squish wants something, she goes for it.” 

The room erupts into light laughter, enough to bring Michelle out of her thoughts for a moment as Peter looks look at her curiously, amused no doubt that she’d been enamored enough with marshamallows of all things that it stuck as a family nickname. 

“But I don’t get the _squish_ part of it?” 

“Oh that was the thing,” her mom picks up where her father leaving off, Michelle rolling her eyes even as Peter grins. “She absolutely _had_ to have the marshmallows as small as possible. Would just take them into her little fingers and,” her mom mimes the act of pinching something in mid-air, “squish. She did it so often that it just stuck, even when Lizzy came along.”

“That’s embarrassing and I never want you tell that story ever again.” Michelle deadpans, Peter and the rest of her family laughing even as he gently nudges her with his elbow. 

“I don’t know, MJ. Nice to know you’re a softie underneath it all.” 

Michelle rolls her eyes but there’s something about Peter’s expression, a reminder yet again of how much she enjoyed spending time with him - how they’d moved out of the apartment that they’d shared and yet she felt inexplicably at home with him. 

It was a nice feeling, one that she hadn’t ever imagined feeling. 

“Peter, oh my God I have to tell you about what happened over vacation.”

“Please _don’t_.” Michelle says, Lizzy ignoring her as she begins to go into detail with a story about how the two of them had gotten lost in search of some obscure ice cream shop. 

Michelle just watches Peter listen attentively, her eyes flitting over to her parents - her father smiling at the two of them while her mother locks eyes with her. 

There’s something in her eyes, a look that makes Michelle want to look away as if she’d done something wrong even if the feeling doesn’t make sense. 

It’s a look that she’d seen in another person’s eyes, in May’s at their graduation - searching her face in a way that was warm, open and polite… but cautious in a way that nudges at something in Michelle’s gut. 

That Peter is there with them - that they both are intertwined with each other’s lives in a way that felt both wildly intimate and yet incredibly new.

They’d lived together, already had a history together and had barely been dating for a little over three months. 

She felt as if she knew Peter and that he knew her, had finally earned the right to just be together - even if she knew that kind of thinking was dangerous.

There’s something in the look in her mother’s face that makes her wonder what future dinners with Peter would be like, to have him know all her secrets and life stories - to truly blend a life with him.

It’s something she chases away as being far too forward thinking - for their relationship, for the future - the reality of the fact that they were months away from moving thousands of miles away from each other and the understanding that those kind of expectations on such a new relationship, no matter how much she loved him, would cause them to crumble.

But Michelle had never been good about not dwelling on the future, even if she tries to swallow down when her mother’s attention shifts back to Peter. 

He’s laughing now, some anecdote from Lizzy that Michelle had missed. Michelle took in his features, the way his eyes crinkled at the corner when he smiled - how his laugh seemed to erupt from somewhere deep inside him, the sound of it making her laugh too. 

Michelle wonders if she’ll ever stop reconsidering what they were doing, if the doubts will ever go away about how rational their plan was or if this was something that she’d have to wrestle with for the next three years - if not longer. 

She doesn’t know and resigns herself in a way that she _can’t_ know, trying and failing to live in the moment even when the deadline of how long they have together is once again, hanging over her head. 

Michelle is certain of one thing at least, as Peter’s laugh starts to taper off and he meets her eyes. 

She loves him.

He loves her. 

And just like at the end of spring break, she hopes it’s enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> I love it when people yell at me in the comments. Or come scream at me on [tumblr](https://seek-rest.tumblr.com).


	2. I Never Leave Well Enough Alone

**  
JULY**

“I fucking hate summer.” 

Peter snorts, the sticky sweat dripping down the back of the tank top he has on making him reconsider the Central Park date they had planned.

It wasn’t exactly a heat wave but it was hottest day it’d been in the last week, Peter wondering how long it would be before they migrated towards another place in the city - even if the purpose of planning this date in particular had been done with the express purpose that both of their places of residences were occupied. 

Peter lifted his head up from his position on his stomach, shifting so that he was laying down on his side - watching as Michelle tried and failed to wrangle her hair into a bun. 

“You’ll have to get used to this kind of weather. Sunny all the time in California.”

“Sunny, Peter. Not a fucking humid _swamp_.” Michelle almost growls, making Peter actually laugh as a curl falls out - pushing it out of her face as she gives him a look.

“Don’t be cute right now. I’m annoyed.” 

“I’m _always_ cute, what are you talking about?” Peter teasing, expecting her to relent and joke with him only to be surprised when she sighs - shifting away from him. 

Peter pauses for a beat, hand extended before putting it down - wondering how wildly he’d misstepped. 

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were upset.”

“I’m not upset, I’m annoyed, Peter.” Michelle says, finally getting the curl out of her way as she blows air out of her mouth - sitting up as Peter does the same, eyebrows furrowing as his he wracks his brain to try and figure out what would cause her mood. 

It could be the weather, Peter already knew that the outside date was a possible miss considering Michelle wasn’t exactly a fan of spending any length of time outdoors than absolutely necessary - the humidity and the heat not helping in the slightest. 

It could be the stress of trying to find a place to live when she lived thousands of miles and several time zones away. Using the internet helped but it wasn’t enough, not when she was essentially finding roommates and an apartment sight unseen. 

It could all of them, none of them, or the fact that Peter had completely misread the situation - trying to joke with her when she wasn’t in the mood. He course corrects, biting his lip before saying, “You want to talk about it?”

Michelle sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment before bringing a hand down as she shakes her head.

“Not really.”

“It might help to—“

“I don’t want to talk right now, Pete.” Michelle answers quickly, Peter nodding as he holds his tongue - uncomfortable for the first time. 

“You wanna head home? Or well, I can walk you home? You can walk home yourself but—“

“Peter, please just… stop.” Michelle sighs, Peter glancing to her before nodding his head - going to stand while she does to.

They pack up their failed picnic in silence, a tension in the air that Peter wants to fix even if he’s not sure what set it off in the first place.

He wants to talk to her, find out what’s wrong - avoid the miscommunications that plagued them for months. 

But she’s clearly not in the mood to talk, for whatever reason - Peter not wanting to push her buttons even if there’s a part of them says in the back of his mind that walking on eggshells also isn’t a sign of healthy communication. 

It’s quiet between them right up until they get to the subway, Michelle sighing loudly again before stopping.

Peter just turns to face her, seeing a flood of emotions all over her face before she sighs again.

“Sorry. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s okay, MJ—“

“It’s not okay, Pete. And I wish you would stop doing that.” Michelle replies, Peter frowning as he says, “Doing what?”

“That,” Michelle gestures vaguely towards him. “Pretending like everything’s fine or that you’re okay with me snapping with you.”

“But it’s not a big deal.” Peter shrugs, Michelle looking exasperated as he explains, “I know you’re stressed and there’s a lot up in the air so…” he trails off, trying to figure out the words to say but Michelle shakes her head.

“I get agitated and snap at people, I know that. I’m working on it.” She says, Peter’s mind going back to that awful night outside of the club all those months back.

Michelle’s mind must go there to, wincing before she says, “But I just don’t get how you’re so _forgiving,_ instantly. It’s…” she bites her lip, clearly debating her next words before saying, “You let me walk all over you.”

Her words remind him of Felicia’s, the caution that he was allowing Michelle to dictate his life and being too accommodating for her. But he shakes that away, feeling in his gut that it isn’t right - reasoning to himself that he’s not doing anything he doesn’t want to.

“You’re not walking all over me, MJ. I promise.” He reaches out a hand, hoping she takes it and feeling a small sense of relief when she does. 

“When you want to talk about it, whatever it is, I’m here. But in the meantime, no one’s forcing me to be here.”

Michelle just watched him, Peter smiling as he says, “I love you, MJ. Good moods, bad moods, all of it.”

She studies him for a moment before squeezing his hand, her tone of her voice low as she says, “I love you too.”

He squeezes her hand in return, tentatively moving closer to kiss her. Michelle meets him halfway, the salt from the sweat intermixing with their lips before she laughs.

“You’re sweaty and gross, you know that?”

Peter makes a face, mock offended as he leads her towards the subway. He checks the time and then grins, a mischievous smile on his face as he asks, “When was your family going to that movie again?”

“2:30, why?” She asks, Peter’s smile growing wider.

“Well I can think of a couple of ways that we can _both_ be sweaty and gross.”

“That’s not enticing, Peter. You need to work on how you seduce people.” Michelle replies, but Peter sees the smile on her face - following him down the stairs a little quicker as he laughs.

“Why, when the only person I want to seduce is you?”

Michelle rolls her eyes but Peter just smiles, holding her hand tighter as they make their way towards the subway. 

  
  


**AUGUST**

  
  


“I miss you.”

“Peter, I’ve been gone for like twelve hours.” Michelle laughs through the speakerphone, Peter smiling as he picks up clothes in his room. 

He was days away himself from moving back to Cambridge, the whole thing feeling weirdly familiar and yet different this time around. On one hand, it was nice to be going back to a place that he not only knew but loved - glad that he didn’t have to readjust to an entirely new city while beginning what was going to undoubtedly be an entirely different type of education.

On the other, Peter knew moving back would be different in two significant ways: that the people - namely one person - he’d grown to love living with wouldn’t be there and that for the first time in his educational career, he’d be completely and utterly focused on medicine.

The latter stressed him out more than the former, glad that the group chat he had with Ned, Betty and Michelle was still active and assured with hearing her voice on the other line.

But the idea that for the first time he was going to be completely focused on a field that he hadn’t through college - taking the basics he needed in between other classes - freaked him out and made him question whether he was going to actually succeed.

May had assured him he would be fine as had Felicia, saying in her distinctive way that they don’t accept dumbasses into Harvard - though Peter’s not so sure he agrees.

But Michelle had been the one to talk him point blank about imposter syndrome, a small part of himself wondering if he was relying too much on her affirmations even if he knew objectively that was ridiculous. 

_She_ was the one who had to move across the country and create a new life for herself, meeting roommates for the first time and having to figure out a new city alongside the regular stress of school. 

Relatively speaking, Peter had it made - trying to calm the storm in his mind as he says, “That’s twelve hours down, two thousand five hundred and eighty to go”

“Have you actually _counted_?” Michelle asked almost incredulously, Peter sniffing the shirt in his hand before throwing it into the laundry basket.

He had, but he wasn’t going to admit that to her saying, “Does that sound like something I’d do?”

“Yes.” Michelle answers without hesitation. “But I’m gonna allow it cause it’s the first day.”

Peter smiles, a sad one as he grabs his phone - seeing a text message pop up from the group chat.

It’s some picture from Ned, vacationing with his family at the beach house - the pang of his own memories of spring break aching something in his chest.

“Did you see the picture Ned sent?” Peter asks, sending several heart emojis in response while Michelle replies.

“Yeah. He’s working overtime to convince us about that spring break trip.”

“It’s not a bad idea.” Peter begins, taking the phone with him as he paces around his room.

“It’s bad for my student loans, Pete. Blowing all that money on a trip to the Hamptons? Our first year?”

Peter purses his lips, cringing at the cost himself even as he says, “You know he said he’d be happy to help foot the bill.”

“I know but it’s— it’s a lot of money, Pete. Feels wrong, taking advantage of him like that.”

“It’s not taking advantage when someone offers, MJ.” Peter says carefully, not wanting to relive this particular argument but still wanting to make his case. “A gift can be just that, a _gift._ ”

“It’s way too much. Even if he can afford it.” Michelle sighs on the other end, Peter anticipating that she was too tired to argue about this either. “I don’t know, maybe you guys can go and I’ll just… Skype you all or something.”

“I’m not gonna go without you, MJ.” Peter rolls his eyes, glad she couldn’t see it as he says, “You jump, I jump right?” 

His words have the intended effect, making Michelle laugh as he smiles. 

“God, I hate that movie.”

Peter snorts. “And to think, I still love you.”

“It’s not romantic, Peter.” Michelle exclaims, laughing as she continues. “They barely even met and they’re willing to die for each other?”

Peter rolls his eyes even though something bags at him in the back of mind, a nudging that he ignores as he says, “Hey, when you know, you know right?”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” She says, Peter actually stopping mid-track as he replies.

“Well I knew when I met you.”

Michelle’s silent for a beat, Peter glancing back at the phone to make sure it hadn’t accidentally dropped the call.

When she finally speaks, Peter just listens - a swooping feeling in his gut as she asks, “You did?”

“Yeah.” Peter answers, the question stirring in the back of his mind that he doesn’t want to ask. “I mean not the first day but you know, really early on.”

Michelle says nothing, Peter hearing May call him from the other room - the silence growing louder and louder between them.

“You gotta go?” She finally says, Peter biting his lip - wishing she had said something else even as he replies.

“Yeah. Yeah I should go.”

  
  


**SEPTEMBER**

  
  


“I’m quitting.”

Michelle laughs, dropping her keys into the little bowl on the side table by her door. She closes the door and locks it, hearing Peter’s sigh from the other end of her headphones.

“I’m serious, MJ. I’m quitting. I’m done.” 

“What happened this time?” She asks, dropping her purse and slipping off her shoes - making a mental note to pick them up before her roommate comes back.

Michelle had foolishly thought that her roommate days would be over after college but California rent prices were no better if not worse than Cambridge, being glad that she at least found another law student to share a space with.

Lila didn’t mind her weird hours and Michelle didn’t mind her weird eating habits. They weren’t close, making her miss the place she’d shared with Peter, Betty and Ned all over again.

But it was good enough, pushing the nostalgia away as she listens to Peter’s voice on the other end.

“We talked about blood transfusions today and this jackass named Brad—“

“Of course his name was Brad.” Michelle snorts as she rifles through the mail that Lila had already picked up.

“He was talking about religious exemptions and how it was a bunch of bullshit, which I guess he was trying to explain about saving the patient but he did it by just— just insulting an entire religious group as being idiotic because they don’t believe in it is… it’s not right, MJ.”

Michelle puts the mail down, bringing her full attention back to Peter - knowing that his Jewish faith was something that was important to him, something that she realized they never really talked about beyond a surface level understanding.

“So what did you do?” Michelle asks, debating whether any kind of real conversation about the topic was a good idea - especially considering how upset Peter sounded on the other line.

“Nothing, what can I do? We’ll be in class together for the next four years and I just— I don’t want to make an enemy now. Not _yet_ anyway.”

It was one of those moments that Michelle wishes she was there, could read his body language and see how he was thinking. She almost thought to video chat him if not for what he said next.

“Ugh, I’m not even done for the day. I gotta calm down, immuno’s next and if I walk in pissed off, Johnny’s gonna bug me about it till it’s over.”

“Johnny?” She asks, picturing Peter nodding on the other line before he says, “Yeah, Johnny. He’s in my block. He’s nice, really funny. You’d like him.”

Michelle doesn’t say anything, not really feeling jealous for how quickly Peter had made friends considering how well she knew him. 

It wasn’t as if she was completely alone - she got along with her roommates well enough and the people in her classes were just as determined as she was. But Michelle knew Peter well enough by now to know that he’d likely fallen into the kind of good, easy friendship with people that just didn’t come naturally to her.

Michelle shoves that down for now, focusing instead on Peter - being glad that her question about Johnny was enough to distract him. 

“Where’s he from? Maybe I can drive up there when I get back, since my Thanksgiving break starts earlier than yours.”

“You’d do that?” Peter asks, Michelle making a face over the phone as she paces her living room. “I know you hate driving.”

“Well yeah but I mean,” she blows air out her mouth, feeling like she’s extending herself even if that idea doesn’t make sense as she says, “I do but I don’t hate you.”

“Wow. Thanks.” Peter deadpans, Michelle rolling her eyes as she says, “You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Peter affirms, Michelle pacing again as he sighs.

“I mean that’d be awesome, MJ. I’d love for you to see everyone, meet all my friends.” Michelle winces, the verbal confirmation that Peter already had good friends bugging her in a way she didn’t feel comfortable admitting. “But there’s probably gonna be snow everywhere and you already hate driving. I don’t want you to have to do all of that.”

Michelle recognizes the logic but there’s a smaller, more irrational part of her wonders why Peter doesn’t want her around his friends - something she immediately dismissed as being stupid, saying nothing as Peter continues.

“Besides, we’ll still see each other during Thanksgiving break anyway right?”

Michelle stops in place - biting her lip as she wrestles the emotions she knows she shouldn’t feel away. 

Knowing that her feelings came from a place of deep-rooted insecurity because of everything that had happened with Harry did nothing to make her feel better, especially when she also felt frustrated that months after confronting him that it still lingered in the back of her mind.

Michelle didn’t understand how she could know that Peter was nothing like him, know their relationship was already light-years different - and yet still have her mind go there.

But Michelle swallows that down, thinking if she brought it up, it would only lead to a fight she doesn’t want to have.

Instead she just forces a smile, hoping it makes her voice sound lighter than what she feels when she says, “Yeah, yeah definitely.” 

  
  


**OCTOBER**

“Hey man!”

“Hey Johnny,” Peter beams, walking into the crowded apartment as he takes in the costumes around him. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.” Johnny smiles, the neon lights he had going dancing across his face - his normally blonde hair streaked in a rainbow pattern. Johnny looks at him up and down, eyebrows raising as he smiled even wider.” Nice costume, dude.”

Peter glances down, the Flash suit he had on leaving little to the imagination - something that makes Peter almost burn with embarrassment as he sees Johnny’s grin.

“My eyes are up here, Johnny.”

“Oh I know,” Johnny says, winking before waving him towards the middle of the room, “But have you seen yourself? Can’t really blame me for taking in the sights.”

Peter laughs, walking forward - moving through the impromptu dance floor as the music pulses in the background. A part of him wondered how he didn’t have a noise complaint already but it _was_ Halloween - Peter following Johnny into the kitchen.

“What’s your poison?”

Peter shrugged. “Whatever you got.”

Johnny grins, mixing something together as people mill in and out of the kitchen. He hands Peter the concoction, Peter taking a sip - surprised that it tastes better than he’d expected.

“Good?” Johnny asks, Peter nodding as he takes a full drink.

“Yeah man, really good. Thanks for inviting me by the way.”

“No problem. I figured you needed it, you know.” Johnny replies, shrugging his shoulders in the casual way he always does - Peter grimacing at what had led to this particular invite.

* * *

Peter plopped down on one of the chairs in the lobby of the building he was in, rubbing his temples as he sighed.

He didn’t have class for another hour but he wondered if that would be enough time for him to calm down - the one person he wants to talk to being the one person he knows he can’t.

Peter brings his phone out of his pocket, fiddling with it for a second before glancing at the time - making a split second decision before calling.

The phone rings three times before she answers, Peter biting his lip to hold back a laugh as he hears her voice.

“Are you dying? What the hell?”

Peter smirks, running a hand through his hair. “No leesh, I’m not dying. Why do you always ask that?”

“Don’t make a phone call out of nowhere and expect me to think you’re okay.” Felicia says back, Peter hearing the chatter on the other end. 

“You busy?” Peter asks, even if he knows she’d likely be on lunch from the time. 

“If I was busy, I wouldn’t have answered, Parker. What’s going on?” Felicia’s words are sharp but Peter can hear the undercurrent of concern, thinking back to the last time he’d called her out of the blue.

“It’s…” Peter debates with himself, regretting his decision to call Felicia instead of Ned - knowing he’d be a lot more encouraging than what Felicia would be. 

Yet there was a part of his subconscious that knew that for as prickly as Felicia was towards Michelle that he would also be honest in a different way - knowing him for years in a way that Ned didn’t. 

“Am I too clingy?” 

“Worse than a koala. Next question.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “Felicia.”

“Kidding. Mostly.” Peter can hear the sound shift, guessing that she’d put in her headphones for how clearly he can hear her voice now. “What’s going on? Your little girlfriend giving you grief?”

“No, no she’s— it’s not her.” Peter says, putting his head in his hands. They’d had an argument not five minutes before, the reason Peter was so pissed off.

It was over something stupid - Peter making a joke about laundry that didn’t land well, devolving into the kind of bickering that they had done before with an edge to it.

It was different, arguing over the phone - Peter getting the distinct impression that there was something Michelle wasn’t telling him, like she wanted to talk about something but wouldn’t. 

When Peter pressed her on it, Michelle had backed off - giving something that sounded like an excuse before hanging up. 

A part of Peter knows that he should call _her_ , not anyone else. But he also knew that she needed some time alone when she was frustrated - even if that alone time felt even more magnified considering the miles and miles separating them. 

“I don’t know, Felicia. I’m just— I’m thinking that maybe I should go see MJ, surprise her or something. I miss being around her, I feel like I could get a sense of what she thinking better when we’re around each other.” 

Peter heard the scoff on the other line. “Well that’s a _damn_ lie, Pete. Did you forget all of last year? And you literally just called to ask if you were clingy before saying you’re gonna fly across the country to see her? Parker, come on. You’re a dumbass but you’re not that stupid.”

Peter groaned. “I just don’t get it, Felicia. We keep.. we keep talking in circles around each other. It’s hard, a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.” Peter blows air out of his mouth, leaning back into the chair he was in as he puts his head back.

Felicia is silent on the other end, Peter glancing at the phone to see if the call had dropped only for her to say, “You like this girl right?”

“Yeah,” Peter says, “I love her, Felicia. I know you think it’s too soon and that’s dumb to say but—“

“I don’t think it’s _dumb_ , Pete.” Felicia interjects, “I just think you go from zero to a hundred really quick.”

Peter chews the inside of his cheek as she continues. “Look, I’m not saying I’m an expert when it comes to relationships, much less long-distance ones but if you’re trying to force something that’s not working then…”

“Felicia.” Peter says with a warning in his voice, sitting up as she presses forward.

“I’m not saying _that_ ,” she says, Peter not believing it as she continues, “But maybe stop being so wrapped up in what she might be thinking or feeling, especially if you’re not going to _talk_ to her about it—“

“I don’t want to—“

“Push her, I know. I know, you’ve said that.”

Felicia sighs, Peter feeling her exasperation as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“But if you’re not gonna suck it up and _push_ her or whatever the hell you think it is, then you need to distract yourself. Stop obsessing about something you’re not gonna solve. Take a night off. Go out or something.”

“Why is that always your solution?” Peter asks, bringing his hand down.

“Because it _works_.” Felicia jokes, Peter just sighing - her voice more even on the other line as she says, “And because you get really intense about these things, Pete. You try and solve everything, all at once and it’s… it’s not good for you.”

Peter lets Felicia’s words wash over him as she says, “I gotta go but I’m on your side, Pete. You know that right?”

Peter does, even if he gets the distinct feeling that being on his side somehow makes it as if she’s not on Michelle’s - a division he doesn’t want to make.

“Yeah, I do. Thanks Felicia.”

“Anytime, dumbass.” She hangs up the phone, Peter leaning back again only to see Johnny walk up.

“Hey man, you doing okay?” He asks, Peter nodding with his lips pressed together.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Peter says dismissively, Johnny plopping down in the seat across from him.

“I ask cause I might’ve just overheard all of that?” He says, embarrassed slightly - Peter making a face as Johnny says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“It’s fine.” Peter says, “it’s what I get for making a call in public I guess.”

Johnny looks at him contemplatively for a second before asking, “You want to talk about it? Whatever’s going on?”

Peter studied him for a moment - debating it. Johnny was nice, funny and quick-smart. They were friendly enough and the idea of Peter getting to explain everything to a truly unbiased party seemed appealing to him - even if the thought on unloading on a classmate felt like the wrong move.

But Johnny’s blue eyes were open and honest, inviting him in with the small smile on his face.

Peter smiles back, before leaning forward - saying, “Well, it started back last August…”

* * *

Johnny passes out some more of his concoction to some partygoers, Peter fiddling with his drink as he watches him.

He’d told Johnny everything - from the beginning, from the day Michelle had moved in. The conversation had been paused while they went to class but then continued afterwards, grabbing coffee as he poured out the months of miscommunication, the decision to get together over spring break and how tense everything had been the last few weeks.

“That sounds intense, man.” Johnny had said, Peter laughing as he’d replied, “Yeah, it’s… it’s a lot.” 

Johnny’s solution had been similar to Felicia’s, inviting him to his Halloween party - a way of not sitting around moping that three days later, he still hadn’t talked to Michelle aside from a few texts. 

He didn’t feel like he was being clingy and Michelle had never said as much, but he wondered how much distance was too much already when they lived so far apart - even if he could hear something like Felicia’s voice in his head saying that he was acting too codependent.

He wasn’t, Peter reasoned - he just wanted her to _talk_ to him - even if the thought of pushing her to communicate when they were so far away terrified him. 

A part of Peter wondered if it was a bad decision, to let it go as he had - knowing he wasn’t the only person in this relationship - that Michelle could call _him_ up too.

But she hadn’t, Peter trying to make peace with that - wondering for the first time if he really had pushed her too hard into getting into a relationship so fast like May had warned him all those months ago.

As the music plays in the background, the laughter from the partygoers ringing in his ears - Peter just takes another sip of his drink, hoping that when Thanksgiving rolled around - that maybe he and Michelle could finally figure out what was going on between them. 


	3. I Never Want To See You Walk Away

**NOVEMBER**

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

Michelle groans, rolling over in bed. 

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

She burrows her head further into the pillow, willing for herself to go back to sleep even though the seconds that pass are waking her up more and more.

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

_ Buzz. _

Michelle blinks an eye open, the dead quiet in the apartment and the moonlight flooding into her room indicating that it was too late - or to early - to be up. 

The phone finally stops buzzing, Michelle content to fall back asleep only for it start right up again - groaning once again when she turns over, haphazardly reaching for the bedside table.

She blinks a few times, the phone buzzing in her hands as she blearily takes in the screen - a frown on her face before she answers, putting the phone to her ear as she says, “Hello?”

“MJ!” Peter’s voice is loud, music pumping in the background. “MJ, MJ, MJ.”

Michelle winces, glancing at the time to see that it was almost 3am. “Peter, what the hell?”

“Hey I uh, I was just missing you. You know, that’s what I do. I miss you.” Peter almost sing songs, the music in the background and the odd hour filling in the blanks in her sleep-addled mind

“Are you drunk?”

Peter snorts, loud and obnoxious as if Michelle had said something offensive. “ _ No _ , I can’t just miss you? I miss you, MJ. All the time. I love you, you know that right?”

“You’re drunk.” Michelle says, more definitively as she sits up - rubbing a hand across her face. “Where are you? Some kind of club?”

“No.”

The music is still blaring in the background - almost mocking Peter and the blatant lie he’s giving.

“So you just like to blast Lil Wayne in your apartment all by yourself?”

“I’m not by myself.” Peter slurs, Michelle wondering if she’s ever seen Peter get this drunk - if she’s ever really seen him drunk  _ at all _ aside from the first night they’d gone out over a year ago. 

Michelle goes to ask where he is when Peter answers for her, a flicker of something she can’t name surging through her when he says, “I’m at Johnny’s.”

“Oh.” Michelle replies, unsure of what to say only for Peter to ramble on. 

“He’s— he’s so funny, MJ. Did you know that he—he was a dance major in college? Like he,” Peter giggled, a sound Michelle’s not sure she’s ever heard when he says, “was an  _ actual _ ballerina. Isn’t that wild?”

“So wild.” Michelle deadpans, rubbing her hand across her face.

“So  _ wild _ .” Peter repeats, going to say something more when Michelle cuts him off. “Peter, why are you calling me?”

It’s silent for a beat, except for the music still playing through the line before he says, “I miss you.”

Michelle feels a twinge in her heart at that before the exhaustion she’s feeling pulls words that she knows she wouldn’t say if she wasn’t half-asleep. “Doesn’t sound like it with  _ Johnny _ around.”

She winces, clearing her throat when Peter slurs, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Michelle sighs, “it’s nothing. Just—don’t drive home okay? Are you safe at least?”

“Of course I’m safe. I’m gonna stay here.” Peter says, knowing from the lilt of his voice that he’s half asleep too. “Johnny said I could stay over.”

Michelle bites her tongue, swallowing down the unexplainable jealousy she feels - knowing how irrational it is before saying, “Sounds smart.”

“Yeah.”

It’s quiet between them again before Peter speaks up, his voice low and sounding like he was only seconds away from falling asleep.

“Love you.”

Michelle bites her lip, shoulders sagging as she closes her eyes. 

“Love you too, Pete.”

He doesn’t reply, the only sound playing through the phone being the music in the background.

Before she can say anything more that she knows she’ll regret, Michelle hangs up the phone - looking up at the ceiling, unsure of anything that she’s feeling.

* * *

“When’s MJ coming over?” May asks, Peter focusing just attention on the mixing bowl in front of him.

“Um I don’t think, I don’t think she is, actually.” He replies, trying to keep his voice even and causal even if May immediately sees right through it.

“What do you mean?” She asks, Peter feeling her eyes on him from the living room - focusing on the stuffing mix in front of him. “I thought she was coming by today, before her family went out of town?”

_ I thought so too _ , Peter thinks - knowing that Michelle couldn’t have planned for her great uncle to die right around the holiday season but feeling that even if he hadn’t, that she wouldn’t have shown up anyway.

Their conversations had been tense and distant since he’d drunk dialed her the night after Halloween, a back and forth that no matter what either of them tried to do, they couldn’t seem to reconcile.

Peter had hoped that seeing her in person would help - especially since neither of them had  _ really  _ had the time to video chat in the midst of studying for their final exams. 

He’d known that they both were going to be swamped with school - remembering how stressed she got at the end of the year from when they lived together.

But what Peter hadn’t realized was how much he’d taken for granted the fact that they saw each other so much then was  _ because  _ they lived together - the cross country time difference that had already been a hurdle becoming even more difficult to work around.

When he was free to talk - even for a few moments - she was still in class. And when Michelle was free, Peter was in the midst of studying - something he’d normally offer to push only for later only to realize after bombing one exam in the middle of the semester that he couldn’t. 

He actually had to study, something he’d never had to do before in college - knowing that even if it seemed that the material that Michelle was doing seemed to come naturally to her that he couldn’t ask her to procrastinate anymore than he was able to.

The result ended up with them pushing a conversation, one he wasn’t even sure where to begin but knew that both of them needed to have, to the back burner — only for her great uncle to die and for Michelle and her family to leave town for Thanksgiving.

It was a chain of unfortunate events, one that Peter rationally knew he couldn’t blame anyone for.

But he still felt something awful churning in his gut, their clipped goodbyes and short “I love yous” feeling forced in a way that he didn’t want to face.

“She was, but they’re going to try and have some family time you know, before everything.” Peter finally responds, glancing up to May only to see the concerned look on her face.

“What?”

“Is— is everything okay?” She asks, Peter not meeting her eyes as he sighs and stops mixing.

“Did you and Ben,” Peter begins, “did you guys ever…”

He trails off, not even sure what he wants to say as May tilts her head - Peter looking back at her.

“I don’t know.” Peter says, “it just feels like we’re not,” he snaps his fingers together, “we’re not clicking like we used to.”

May nods like she understands, a thoughtful expression on her face - one that Peter can recognize means that she’s choosing her words carefully when she says, “Long distance is hard, Pete. For anyone.”

Peter sighs again. “Yeah, I mean I know it is. I know everyone says it is I just,” he shrugs. “I didn’t expect it to be  _ this _ hard.”

May’s quiet, studying him for a moment before lifting herself off the couch - walking to the kitchen. Peter turns to face her when she enters it, a small smile on her face when she asks, “Have you talked to her about what you’re feeling?”

Peter shakes his head, seeing the disapproving look on her face. “No, and I know, I  _ know _ , I should. It’s just,” he waves a hand around, leaning against the counter as he says, “I don’t even know what it is I’m feeling.”

He looks back to May, folding his arms together. “How can I figure out how to fix this when I’m not even sure what’s wrong?”

“ _ Is _ something wrong?” May asks, Peter blinking at her for a moment

“I mean, no? I don’t, I don’t think so.”

May’s smile almost looks sad, like there’s something obvious in what Peter had said - something he doesn’t want to acknowledge as he grinds his teeth.

“It’ll be fine. We’ll talk when she gets back and if not then,” he turns away from May, picking up the fork he was using to mix the ingredients around when he says, “we’ll see each other more in like a week. A whole month back in the city.”

May says nothing, silently watching Peter - a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he mixes the bowl. 

  
  


**DECEMBER**

  
  


“This isn’t working, is it?” Michelle quietly asks, Peter swallowing down the traitorous lump in his throat - staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom.

It’d been two weeks since they’d come back home - two weeks after finals, after being separated for months, after they’d  _ finally  _ had the chance to see each other again. 

But the two weeks had been nothing like Peter had expected, their relationship feeling even more strained because of the proximity between them.

He’d taken May’s advice to try and talk to her -  _ really  _ talk to her - today, after a few days of dancing around the subject, feeling like something was building between them but not knowing what it was.

Peter had almost expected for them to fight, though about what he wasn’t sure - bracing himself as he tried to figure out what it was that was breaking between them. 

* * *

“Where’s Lizzy?” Peter asked, walking into her quiet apartment as Michelle closed the door behind him.

“School.” She answers, Peter slipping off his shoes and hanging up his coat as she continues. “My mom’s at work and I think my dad went out shopping. He’ll go pick up Lizzy straight after so,” Peter looks to her, “we have the place to ourselves for awhile.”

He nods, smiling at her. “Sounds great.”

Peter reaches for her, Michelle immediately taking his hand - bringing him closer before kissing her. 

It’s slow, a kiss that Peter can tell would lead towards something only for him stop - Michelle a little surprised when he does.

“Is something wrong?”

Peter shakes his head a little too quickly. “No, no nothing’s wrong I just,” he sighs, stepping back a little. “I think we should talk.”

Something passes through Michelle’s eyes before her face turns neutral, biting her lip for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I think… I think that’s a good idea.”

They stand awkwardly in the entryway for a few moments before Michelle takes his hand, leading him towards her bedroom. 

She closes the door, a habit Peter’s sure - sitting on the edge of her bed until she joins him. 

It’s quiet for another moment before they both start to talk.

“So what did you—“

“How is—“

They catch each other’s eye, Peter wondering what the hell was going on - feeling inexplicably like he did when they were both on the bus, heading back to school this time last year after the awful fight they’d had after the club.

Peter doesn’t want to fight, nor does he even really feel like there’s anything to fight about — just knowing that something was off, even if he couldn’t place what it was.

Michelle beats him to it, surprising Peter when she says, “California is a lot different than I expected.”

“Yeah?” He asks, unsure of what it is she’s trying to say. 

“Yeah.” She affirms, rubbing her palms across her legs. “It’s sunny and the people are a lot nicer than I expected but it’s just— it’s just different. I don’t know. You’d like it.”

Peter smiles. “I don’t know, no place like home you know?”

“Yeah. Must be nice,” Michelle smiles, Peter noticing that it doesn’t reach her eyes when she says, “to still be in Cambridge.”

“It’s okay,” Peter answers honestly, “It’s not the same, you know. Without everyone there.”

_ Without you  _ goes unspoken but he’s sure she feels it, only to be surprised when she says, “Seems like you’ve made a lot of friends?” 

He immediately knows she means Johnny, sensing something in the tone of her voice but not quite sure how to place it. 

“Some, I mean. Not anything like you, and Ned and Betty.” Peter says more explicitly, Michelle taking in his words she brings her hands together.

She gives a short hum in acknowledgement before looking back to him, seeing something in her eyes that looks sad - watching as her eyes shift down to his lips.

“MJ—“

“I miss you, Peter. A lot.” She says, sounding as if she was convincing herself of something - Peter immediately taking her hand. 

“I miss you too, MJ.”

“It’s just—” she blows air out of her mouth, “I don’t even know what’s wrong.”

Her words cut at him, confirming for him that there  _ was _ something going on between them - but what, he wasn’t even sure - wondering if it even was  _ one _ solid thing. 

“I love you.” Peter says, more forcefully than he intended - Michelle looking at him in surprise, less because of his words but because of his tone - as if the words were enough to bridge the gap between whatever was building between them.

Michelle seems to catch on to his meaning, leaning forward to kiss him - Peter immediately leaning into it as he brings his free hand to her face, bringing her closer to him as he does.

“I love you.” He says again into her mouth, Michelle’s breath catching as she brings him even closer - pulling at his shirt as she does.

“I love you.” Michelle replies, leaning back - Peter going to hover over her as their kisses become a little more desperate, as if that would solve whatever was wrong.

In the back of his mind, Peter can recognize that this isn’t the right move - that they need to have an actual conversation, that having sex wouldn’t be enough to close whatever distance that they’d both clearly been feeling.

But Michelle’s mouth is insistent against his, Peter pressing his body against hers - pushing that thought away and focusing instead on her and the feel of her underneath him as he said parroted back once more, “I love you.”

* * *

Peter doesn’t say anything, Michelle’s words still hanging through the air - feeling her shift and turn to face him.

“Peter.”

“I love you, MJ.” He says, still staring up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “I love you.”

“Peter—“ Michelle begins, Peter shaking his head more forcefully as he turns back over to her.

“No, no this isn’t— it’s just been a rough semester. It’s our first year and everyone says long distance is hard and—“

“Peter.” Michelle’s voice is clearer, more firm as Peter presses forward.

“I  _ love _ you, MJ. We can, we’ll figure this out. Next semester should be easier. We’ll just— we’ll have to find time to—“

“Time for  _ what _ , Pete?” She asks, stopping him in place when he sees the look on her face. “It’s not just that. It’s, it’s everything.”

“Like what?” He asks, knowing where the conversation is headed but desperately wishing it wasn’t when she sighs.

“It’s not just school or our schedules it’s,” she shakes her head, a pained expression on her face, “it’s our lives right now. You're making all these friends and I’m trying so hard not to be  _ jealous  _ when—“

“MJ—“

“No, you don’t  _ get _ it, Peter.” Her eyes flash, “it’s stupid. I  _ know  _ it’s stupid but it’s like I can’t stop it? Like all that bullshit with Johnny was—“

“What’s wrong with Johnny?” Peter asks, seeing a flood of emotions on her face as she shakes her head.

“Nothing.  _ Nothing’s  _ wrong with Johnny. That’s the point, Peter. I’m hung up about something when there’s nothing.”

A beat.

“Right?”

“Of course not,” Peter’s quick to affirm, a surge of frustration rushing through him when he says, “why would you think—“

“I don’t, that’s what I’m saying. I know you wouldn’t— that you’re not—“ 

Michelle cuts herself off, the realization hitting him.

_ Harry. _

“Oh.”

She nods, staring back at him until she sits up - Peter doing the same as she puts her head in her hands

“This wasn’t— it’s not you, Peter.”

He laughs but there’s no humor in it, hot tears forming in his eyes as he asks, “It’s not you, it’s me?”

“Don’t.” Michelle says, Peter seeing the tears in her eyes. “Don’t do that, Pete. That’s not— that’s not it.”

“Then what is it, MJ? What? What can I do?” He asks, his voice breaking slightly at the end - the sinking feeling in his stomach growing as she sighs.

“I don’t think it’s anything  _ you _ can do. Or it shouldn’t be. It can’t be. I just,” she closes her eyes, Peter’s heart breaking as she continues, “this isn’t working.” 

“ _ I love you.” _ Peter whispers again, her words hitting him like rocks - Michelle opening her eyes and giving him a sad smile.

“I love you, Peter. But I don’t, I don’t think that this is—“

“Maybe we should just… take a break? Just— just no labels, no anything. Just—“ Peter scrambles, May’s words from months ago coming back to him about meeting the right person at the wrong time and how that makes them the wrong person - pushing that away.

“Peter.”

“Please.” Peter pleads, knowing he sounds desperate but unsure of what else to say. 

He loved her. Peter knew that, even if there was a pang in his chest that told him that what Michelle was trying to tell him hit at something deep in his gut. 

Michelle says nothing, sending him a look before she moves to get off the bed - Peter watching her as she walks towards her bathroom. 

He leans back in the bed and stares at the ceiling, running through all the scenarios in his mind before this - wondering how the hell they had gotten to this point.

He loved her. He knew it. And what was worse, Peter knew that  _ she  _ loved him.

But he sighs, closing his eyes - the pit in his stomach growing larger and larger at the fear that Michelle was right. 

That it wasn’t enough.


	4. You Never Get Just What You See

**JANUARY**

The television played some awful reality show in the background as her roommates played music loudly in the other room - Michelle just staring at her textbook, wondering when this had become her life.

She didn’t like reality shows. She didn’t study in front of the television. She didn’t usually mope in her living room on a Friday night.

But she was tonight - if only because it had been three weeks since she’d broken up with Peter and Michelle isn’t sure what to do with herself.

It was stupid, antithetical to everything that she was as a person - to be so torn up about a boy, especially considering how much _work_ she had put in the make sure that how she felt after Harry wasn’t something she would ever feel again.

But as the music continues to play, the bass pounding so loud that it rattled the pictures on the wall, Michelle wonders if she really had done as much work on herself as she had thought she had. 

“MJ?” 

Michelle turns her head, seeing the tentative smile that Lila gave as she walks in from her bedroom.

“What’s up?” Michelle asks, Lila’s smile growing a little more confident as she says, “Nothing I just— just wanted to see if you wanted to join us tonight.”

Michelle’s eyes shift from what she’s wearing - oversized MIT hoodie, leggings with a hole in them and fuzzy socks - with what Lila has on, something that Michelle could only describe as leather-like material that left little to the imagination.

Lila laughs, seeing the way her eyes move as Michelle smirks in response, Lila saying, “I mean not like that obviously.” But then she shrugs. “Unless it’s what you’re into. We don’t judge.”

Michelle snickers at that as she shakes her head, “Nah I’m fine. Got a wild night of my own planned here.”

She can feel Lila’s heavy stare without having to look at her, schooling her expression into something relatively more upbeat when she says, “Promise, I’m good. But thanks for the invite.”

“Okay,” Lila deflates at that, Michelle glad that she wasn’t the pushy when she says, “Just checking you know. Didn’t want you to feel left out and…” she shrugs awkwardly, “you looked like you needed cheering up.” 

Michelle holds her tongue at that, her mind racing at how it just seem to Lila and the rest of them.

She doesn’t want to be cheered up, not when there wasn’t anything to be sad about - a lie if Michelle had ever heard it but something she told herself all the same.

She had been the one who brought it up, who officially broke up with Peter. And yet all Michelle’s mind could wonder is why it felt like she was the one who lost?

Lila turns at that, Michelle waiting for a second before grabbing her phone - opening up the social media apps she’s checked too many times before.

The first post is one of Peter, smiling in a dimly lit bar with a group of friends - someone’s birthday from what she could gather from the captions. 

She hasn’t spoken with him but Michelle can only guess that he seems fine only to remember how quickly he’d bounced back after Gwen broke up with him - ironic now that her mind wondered in a cruel way if he had really loved her at all. 

She shakes that away, knowing it childish and dumb to judge anything like that on social media but Michelle couldn’t help the thought coming to her, chewing the inside of her cheek as she scrolled through his pictures again.

Michelle knew Peter well enough by now to tell that he was doing fine - well enough all things considered, though a part of her wanted to call him and ask if he was doing fine or if it was just his own way of coping - doing the cliche post breakup thing that Michelle hadn’t ever done before.

Her mom had told her that she needed to work on herself, needed to step away from looking at what Peter was doing - especially when she had been the one to break it off. 

There was a wisdom to it, even if it hurt - to see him and guess that he was even _faking_ his happiness or worse he wasn’t faking it at all.

Michelle sighs as she shakes her head, the music still playing in the background. 

She doesn’t go out, knowing that giving Peter a taste of his own medicine wouldn’t just be immature and petty - but unhealthy, especially since it didn’t really seem like Peter to be doing that in the first place.

But Michelle does put down her phone, refusing to check his profile for the rest of the night - wondering how long her decision to do so will hold.

  
  


**FEBRUARY**

“Come on, Pete. It’ll be fun.”

“I’d rather not, Johnny.” Peter says, trying to ignore the pleading look on Johnny’s face.

“Pete—“

“ _No_ , Johnny.” Peter sighs, not wanting to be rude but feeling put off by Johnny’s insistence that he should go on a double date with him - knowing he’d rather just feel awkward and miserable because he was still thinking of Michelle.

He’d gone out for birthday parties but held the line on dates, still feeling that it was entirely too soon. 

It’d barely been two months since their breakup and yet it still hurt like it was yesterday, the awkward last meeting they had where they promised to still try and be friends - something Michelle had relented at even if Peter already knew it was going to be a losing game when he’d asked.

May had been right, so had Felicia. It was too much, too soon - and the distance had hurt them more than Peter had ever really anticipated.

But what hurt worse was the sinking feeling in Peter’s stomach that made him wonder how much the dissolution of their relationship had to do with circumstance and how much of it had to do with him - his mind running over Michelle’s words over and over.

Johnny was just a friend, flirty and fun and even if Peter hadn’t given off any kind of indication that they were anything more - it hurt him to think that they were just running in circles with the same problem that they’d had before, even if Michelle had seemed self-aware enough to recognize that they were repeating the Felicia debacle all over again. 

It was frustrating, that she would want to just cut off their relationship than try and salvage it - made worse by the fact that Johnny kept being his same self, trying to make Peter feel better when all he wanted to do was sulk.

“Sorry dude.” Johnny says apologetically, Peter inwardly wincing at how hard he was being towards someone who didn’t deserve it.

“No I’m sorry, Johnny. I just don’t—“

“I get it man.” Johnny says earnestly, Peter looking up at him and seeing the kind smile on his face. “Being dumped sucks.”

“I wasn’t— we weren’t—“

Johnny just winks at him, grabbing his books and shoving them into his backpack. “You don’t have to explain. I’ll call you later alright?”

“Johnny…” Peter begins, only for Johnny to wave him off as he smiles - a part of Peter wondering just how sincere he was being when he says, “I mean it, Pete. Have a nice weekend.”

Peter doesn’t get the chance to say anything more as Johnny grabs the last of his stuff and leaves, watching as he realized that he’s the only one left on this floor of the library on a Friday night.

He should’ve gone out with him, or at the very least went home - but Peter doesn’t have anywhere to go, still feeling stressed and swamped with his school work in a way he’s not sure will ever get easier.

Felicia had mentioned in her own way that maybe getting dumped was for the better, now giving him the chance to focus on med school like he was supposed to.

But even if he wanted to, Peter’s mind still drifted back to Michelle - finding himself grabbing his phone and hovering his thumb over her social media.

He’s surprised to see that she’s been tagged in something, knowing she approved everything before it went public - his heart clenching at the photo.

It had been posted not even thirty minutes ago, a group photo at a restaurant - Michelle smiling into the camera, surrounded by the people he knew to be her roommates.

It hurt something deep inside him to see her so happy, both glad that she was and burning with embarrassment that while she was clearly moving on with her life that here he was still sulking in the library alone - stalking her on the internet.

Pete chews the inside of his cheek, closing his eyes as he clicks his phone off.

It was only social media, Peter knew it didn’t tell the whole truth and it never would. 

But it was the push he needed to realize that Michelle had been serious, that wanting to take a break from their relationship had meant something - feeling the slight tug in his heart at the idea of what allowing himself to take a break would actually mean in the long run.

He loved her, he did - still just as viscerally as he had the moment that they broke up.

But if this is what she wanted, if she wanted to take a break on their relationship then Peter had to do his part - to stop holding on and wishing for something that he wasn’t sure was ever going to come, not if Michelle was looking as happy as she did in a way that he knew she hadn’t in a very long time. 

Peter hadn’t talked with her, it could all be just a lie - the kind of false projection that always came with social media. 

But she’s broken up with him. Hadn’t talked with him since.

Peter couldn’t try and deny anymore the message that she was sending him. 

Michelle didn’t think they worked.

Peter had to try and accept that.

**MARCH**

“This is much better than Reno.” Lila says, Michelle smirking at her as she dips a spoon into her tub of ice cream.

“You’re only saying that because you got the last butter pecan quart.”

Lila shrugs, rolling her eyes. “Don’t hate.”

Michelle just smiles, moving the spoon around her own quart of rocky road as some reality show played in the background.

It wasn’t exactly the kind of spring break she had envisioned for her first year of law school but in a sense, it was the one she needed - low key and a way for her to just take a breath without having to worry about paying for anything other than her regular expenses.

Lila wasn’t all that bad anyway and of the girls she shared an apartment with, she was the one Michelle liked the most - funny and a little weird in a way that reminded her of Betty.

Michelle bit her lip as she thought of them, knowing exactly where her old roommates would be right now.

Ned had been the one to text her and ask about the spring break trip back to his parent’s house in the Hamptons - an invitation she wasn’t sure was still extended towards her because of everything that had happened with Peter.

But if Ned did or didn’t know about what happened - though she guessed the former - he’d still been disappointed when she declined, saying that they would miss her even if Michelle wasn’t sure if that would be the case.

Peter had done as she had asked, had given her space - but as the months crawled by, Michelle wondered in an awful way if the fact that he did meant that he felt the same way she had.

Michelle knew she had made the right decision, knew they weren’t working - but it still hurt that Peter had seemingly given up on them too, something she _knew_ was irrational to think since she had broken up with him in the first place.

“You want any whip cream?” Lila asks, bringing Michelle out of her thoughts as she glances up - shaking her head.

“No I’m good, thanks.” Michelle smiles, swishing around the ice cream that had started to melt in her carton.

She knew that Peter had gone to the house in the Hamptons from the pictures she’d seen, her old roommates doing just fine without her.

Michelle shouldn’t feel rejected - and she didn’t, not really, knowing it had been her choice not to go.

But as she took another bite of her ice cream, all she could think of was what this time last year had been like - eating ice cream on the beach before her and Peter had gone back to their room and had sex for the first time.

Now he was back with Ned and Betty and she was eating ice cream with her new roommate - miles and miles away but feeling even further than that in her heart. 

Michelle sighed then shook her shoulders, grabbing the remote before changing the channel.

“Hey!” Lila exclaims.

“You weren’t watching this anyway.” Michelle says, switching it to the documentary channel that she used to love.

“No but damn, give a girl warning before you switch it to murder.” Lila gags, as Michelle smiles.

“It’s a good one, though.” She says, forcing herself to stay in the moment - even as Lila makes a face.

“I guess.” Lila replies, only for Michelle to smile - turning her attention back to the documentary.

This was good for her, to make new friends - to try and feel better about herself and who she was without constantly thinking about who she had been.

She was long over Harry now, at least she hoped she was. 

But Michelle knew that whether or not her and Peter ever reconnected, she couldn’t continue to base her sense of self on anyone else.

Michelle had broken up with Peter. He’d clearly accepted it

Now, she had to suck it up and live with her decision.

Even if there was a part of her that wondered if she would live to regret it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...don’t hate me.
> 
> Remember the series title kids. All’s well that ends well.
> 
> And this isn’t the end.
> 
> (Even if Peter and MJ seem to think it is)


End file.
